Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
Randomize
