even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
Randomize
