she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
Randomize
