I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
