Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
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