I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
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