I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
Randomize
