Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
Randomize
