he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
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