I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
Why did my mother make you get naked?
Randomize
