Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Randomize
