puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
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