So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
Why are handjobs necessary in class?
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
Randomize
