I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
Randomize
