did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
Randomize
