Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
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