I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
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