Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
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