i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
Randomize
