i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
You can't special order awesome
Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
Randomize
