the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
Randomize
