I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
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