last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
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