Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
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