The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
Randomize