she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
Sext me about skeletons
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
Randomize
