No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
Randomize
