thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
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