Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
I should be sponsored by Trojan
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
