the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Randomize
