Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
Randomize
