I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
Randomize
