my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
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