i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
Randomize
