There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
I have grass duct taped all over my body
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
Cover your peen. We're going out.
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
Randomize
