Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
Randomize
