I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Randomize
