How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
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