So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
Randomize
