I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
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