happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
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