I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
Randomize
