He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
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