Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
Randomize
