A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
Randomize
