you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize
