That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Randomize
