my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
Randomize
