I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
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