new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
Let's get the cat blown out
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
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