omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
Randomize
