the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
