she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
Randomize