whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
Found the puke drawer
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
Randomize
