So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
Randomize
