I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
Randomize
