I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
Threesome in a minivan. New low
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
Randomize