You're completely useless in the revolution.
and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
It's official drugs can't kill me
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
Randomize
