I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
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