So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize