"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
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