saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
I intend to get homeless drunk
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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