i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
Randomize