so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
We are two peas in an std pod
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
Randomize
