My room smells like vodka and shame
I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
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