can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
